


SCOTT: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

by Omuchgeekery



Series: Omuchgeekery's Owners Guides [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, F/M, Guide, Humor, M/M, Manual, Multi, owner's guide, user's manual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-13 21:16:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/828977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omuchgeekery/pseuds/Omuchgeekery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CONGRATULATIONS! You are now the proud owner of a SCOTT MCCALL unit! Follow the guidelines in this manual and your SCOTT will give you decades of quality performance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SCOTT: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

**Author's Note:**

> I was unsure of posting my STILES guide, but I was quickly surprised by the positive feedback (and demands for more) I recieved!  
> Special thanks to Birke, who kudos'ed and commented within five minutes of me posting, Bandearg_Rois for Stiles' weight, and my master AlphaDerekMakesMeDrool, who has demanded I continue the series. Thanks also to Val_Brown, akira, and Future Mrs. Stilinski for commenting, and the following for leaving kudos: rainymood, soti2139, Kamara_Black, anjul02, Rauwrtsch, AlphaFeels, JasmineBaggins, gertrudeabernathy, humhumhum, SerenityC, Ifoundnemo, mitta, Kaylinka91, kazue, Angsty, RaccoonLoon, Schattentaenzerin, djc3791, ratfox, kirstenwat, Reg1430, LeeBlack, Destialforever, saya, ladyoneill, and 30 guests!  
> Big thanks to katie1126 for her input on this fic!

A/N: The original Owner's Guide belongs to Theresa Green. It first appeared in the LOTR fandom, but many others have used the original template in other fandoms for other characters.  
THIS was inspired by SpirkTrekker42's Nu!Trek manuals (and slightly copied from, eh heh), which are superb and amazing beyond belief.

If I really owned Scott, I have a feeling Allison would have a vendetta against me… don't worry, though, I've ~~enslaved~~ enlisted Hawkeye's help, so she's not gonna get the jump on me. ((is attacked by Isaac))

**EDITED TO ADD: I KNOW SCOTT ISN'T DUMB. HE IS, HOWEVER, VERY DENSE AT TIMES, AND THIS ISN'T MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.**

^-^

Scott: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

CONGRATULATIONS!  
You are now the proud owner of a SCOTT MCCALL unit!  
Follow the guidelines in this manual and your SCOTT will give you decades of quality performance.

INSTALLATION  
When you receive your SCOTT unit, be sure to show him the nearest exit and where his doggy bowl will usually be placed. He may also want to know where the nearest ALLISON unit is located, but do not let him know until he has become accustomed to his new home or you may never see him again. Please check that you have all his accessories (see below) and that you have been issued the proper unit.

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS  
Name: Scott McCall  
Age: 16/17  
School: Beacon Hills High  
Hometown: Beacon Hills, California  
Sex: Male  
Manufacturers: Melissa McCall and [REDACTED]  
Height: 5'10" (1.78 m)  
Weight: insufficient data  
Hair Color: dark brown  
Eye Color: brown, occasionally may seem to be bright yellow  
IQ: not very bright (but he's cute!)  
Attention Span: pretty low unless subject has to do with ALLISON.

OPERATING PROCEDURE  
Your SCOTT unit has been designed to be both user-friendly and proficient. His controls are voice activated. Please state your commands clearly in English and with small words. Other languages are very expensive for this unit. (SCOTT unit may understand tiny bits of wolfish, but don't get your hopes up)  
Remember that your SCOTT unit is not just adorable; he should have multiple functions.

Combat:  
Your SCOTT unit is actually an effective combatant, when he finally gets what's going on. He does not do well when confronted with pain, but can still function adequately. He is also a skilled athlete, mostly due to his wolf powers.

Wolf Powers:  
As a werewolf, SCOTT has a highly accelerated healing time. Unfortunately, he also has heightened senses, which is what allows SCOTT to be so easily distracted. Being a werewolf also gives SCOTT inhuman strength and speed. He may also develop claws, pronounced fangs, cute pointy ears, and strange facial hair at times, usually around the full moon. MAKE SURE TO SECURELY CONTAIN YOUR SCOTT AROUND THE TIME OF THE FULL MOON.

Loyalty:  
Once you have befriended him, your SCOTT unit will be almost unquestionably loyal, similarly to the STILES model. Unlike the STILES model, however, he seems to follow his heart slightly over friendships. He always tries to do what he believes is right, and if that means it will appear he is betraying someone, then he will suffer the consequences. Remember that your SCOTT model is likely not actually turning on you, and that his actions will make more sense later.

Allison:  
After being introduced to an ALLISON unit, your SCOTT may develop an unhealthy obsession, especially if he has not been exposed to a STILES model yet. He may stop paying attention to anything that is not related to Allison, and may even show signs of stalker-ish behavior. Depending on how their interactions go, your SCOTT and ALLISON's relationship can be either incredibly resilient or like a roller coaster.

Isaac:  
An ISAAC unit will most likely have a rocky relationship with your SCOTT unit at first, but will quickly strengthen to a close friendship. Beware, there will be a lot of UST between these two models!! If you wish a relationship between the two, make sure that either your SCOTT unit does NOT have a strong relationship with an ALLISON unit OR that she does not mind SCOTT having a relationship with ISAAC. (Some ALLISON units have shown an interest in the two together, while others enjoy a three-way relationship. However, some ALLISONs do not take kindly to an ISAAC encroaching on "their" territory.)

COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS  
Your SCOTT unit will likely form a strong friendship with a STILES unit. For romantic purposes, SCOTT is best paired with either ALLISON or ISAAC. He may also form a relationship with an ERICA or JACKSON unit, but it is not as natural a relationship as one with either ALLISON or ISAAC would be. Your SCOTT unit tends to have the following modes:  
(a) Friendly  
(b) Confused  
(c) Enraged Wolf-boy  
(d) OMG LOOK ALLISON

WARNING: As your SCOTT unit is underage, it is NOT recommended you allow him access to alcohol.

ACCESSORIES:  
The items with which your SCOTT comes equipped are a tight t-shirt, jeans, sneakers, an inhaler (his favorite accessory), and an obsession with anyone named "Allison"

CLEANING  
You will likely need to bathe your SCOTT quite often, as he seems to get himself rather dirty very often. Make sure he uses the shower, and that he actually uses soap, as he sometimes forgets.

LUBRICATION  
To ensure that your SCOTT remains in good working order, moving parts should be lubricated regularly.  
Note: A detailed analysis of the correct lubrication of your SCOTT unit can be provided by either the ALLISON unit or the ISAAC unit, each sold separately.

RECHARGING  
After long periods of use, your SCOTT' energy levels may become depleted. Use the following procedures to recharge your SCOTT:

Food:  
As a teenage boy, SCOTT loves junk food. When placed in proximity to a MELISSA MCCALL (or ALLISON) model, he may be a bit more likely to eat more healthily.

Drink:  
SCOTT is willing to accept practically any beverage, but will usually grab a soda or water when left to his own devices.

Sleep:  
Your SCOTT unit requires less sleep than the average teenage boy, and may sleepwalk/kill around the full moon. For best results, try to make sure he has at least seven hours of sleep a day and chain him up with the strongest bindings you can find when there is a full moon.

REPROGRAMMING  
The SCOTT unit is not easily reprogrammed, but it is possible. Reprograming your SCOTT is best done by a professional; NURSE MELISSA MCCALL, VETERINARIAN ALAN DEATON, PETER HALE, or, if previously mentioned are not available, DANNY MAHEALANI. The MELISSA model will have the easiest time reprogramming your SCOTT unit, though it will likely contain a lot of yelling and punishment.

SECURITY  
Thanks to the popularity of the SCOTT unit, it is essential that you observe the following security procedures for the safekeeping of your SCOTT:  
-Have your SCOTT micro-chipped. NURSE MELISSA MCCALL can handle this, though VETERINARIAN ALAN DEATON is more efficient and willing.  
-Do not leave your SCOTT unattended in public.  
-Do not lend your SCOTT to anyone (especially strangers in the woods)

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: My SCOTT unit has stopped paying attention to anything I do or say! He just sits there with a goofy grin and a faraway look in his eyes. is he broken?  
A: No. He has likely met an ALLISON unit or begun a romantic relationship with an ISAAC unit.

Q: Why does my SCOTT look so tired during the day? He doesn't make a peep during the night!  
A: A STILES unit has probably been getting him to go search questionable locales (usually woods) during the middle of the night.

Q: Why does my SCOTT unit keep doing really, really stupid things?  
A: He's a teenage boy. Get used to it.

Q: SCOTT keeps threatening intruders with a baseball bat! Does he even _play_ baseball?!  
A: Further research is needed to properly answer this query.

TROUBLESHOOTING

Problem: My SCOTT is super mopey. I can't get him to do anything! When I mentioned my friend's ALLISON, his puppy dog eyes got all teary and he ran away. How can I help him?  
Solution: He and ALLISON likely just broke up. Either encourage him not to give up, or introduce him to an ISAAC unit!

Problem: My SCOTT keeps disappearing in the middle of the night and turning up in strange locations.  
Solution: He's likely sleep-wolf-walking. Try chaining him up more securely.

Problem: I keep finding my SCOTT's clothing shredded and covered in blood! Help!  
Solution: See previous solution.

Problem: My SCOTT is being hunted down by a secret organization masquerading as a family. What?!  
Solution: Relax, this is what the ARGENT models like to do. Make sure to keep him away from any KATE, GERARD, or VICTORIA ARGENT units. CHRIS ARGENT may also be coming after your SCOTT if he is aware that SCOTT is dating ALLISON/is a werewolf. However, CHRIS is very reasonable (and hot).

Problem: SCOTT has been ignoring his friend STILES, who is getting irritated. The last time this happened, STILES handcuffed him to a radiator and poked him with sticks until he felt better. How do I stop this before it gets that bad?  
Solution: Whack SCOTT with a rolled-up newspaper the next time he starts to ignore STILES. Spraying him with a water-sprayer-thing lightly (ONLY A HINT) laced with a weak wolfsbane will also help to discourage bad behavior.

Problem: SCOTT keeps walking around shirtless!  
Solution: Sorry, this is the "problems" section, not the "thank you I love this bit" section.

Problem: Scott keeps wolfing out whenever he gets worked up! PLEASE HELP!  
Solution: Find him something to focus on to keep himself centered. An ALLISON unit is an excellent choice, and will help him to learn to control himself fully.

Problem: My SCOTT is thicker than John Watson faced with a flirty Sherlock Holmes! Is he malfunctioning?  
Solution: No, no, that's just SCOTT. He can be rather dense.

ADDITIONAL INFO

For questions or concerns not addressed in this guide, please feel free to contact us at our mailing address or email us at:  
wolfy-teens-r-us@yahoo.com


End file.
